わたしの なまえ は レイチェル。 はじめたして。
in case you’re wondering what that says, let me tell you, it’s something stupid. okay. recently i’ve been having a lot of internal problems that i can’t really share with anyone. so instead, i decided that i wil solve my problems through blogging because i get to rant on. eventually, i’ll come up with an answer. so i’m blogging right now to solve my stupid, mistakes… (that didn’t quite make sense did it?)anyways… there are times when i feel so stupid. sometimes i’m really ashamed of my stupidity and my naive self. i can’t belive that i am that naive! how can one be so naive? it’s just so !@#$ up. you know how teenagers are always experimenting with something new?
well, i’ve been experimenting something new. seriously, i was so suprised that i actually did it. and believe me, i freaked out so badly afterwards! the media and stupid books might’ve been a huge influence on me. when i was in middle shcool, i often read teen books because i loved all the dramas the maid characters go through. however, the teen books i read slowly got darker and the plots were either depressing or involved a lot of suicides… you know like cutting oneself, doing drugs, or having sex because it makes one feel better? (i didn’t do something too stupid like having sex when i’m 14!)
well, the stupid thing i did was…(i’m actually quite embarassed to admitt) was cut myself.at first i wanted to try and see if it hurts or not when you cut yourself on purpose. well, i have to admitt it didn’t hurt when i was cutting. when i was cutting, i was like in a trance. in my head i was thinking, how deep can you go? (like, you know when people chant: how low can you go? in limbo?) so i was basically chanting to the tune of that. anyways, after five minutes, i stopped cutting because i started to feel the pain. even though it felt like burning, i liked the feeling because i felt like the burning was, well, burning all my problems away…but honestly, i just tried it because i was curious…but you know, once you’ve been curious, there’s no stopping what comes next (did that make sense?). so i started continuously cutting myself. now i have seven cuts…the seventh cut was recent…
たのしですねえ？
